smile though cracking inside

At first, I didn't want to post this, but then, when I think about it again, blog for me is to release what's inside my brain and share with you what I'm going through. So, here you go ...
This is my first time to have such a long relationship with someone (you know who), though, along the way there are many ups and downs, and unclear things between us. We knew from the beginning that this would not last long, but our feeling was too strong that we were willing to take the risk to just continue the relationship. And finally ended just like that about a month ago (official). I've been lying to people I love and care, worst, I've been lying to myself all these times. when I think about it, this is probably why I'm hurt now, too much lies. Btw, This inspires me of my new year resolution.. to be honest with my self and to people around me. Anyway, that's not the point of me writing this.
What I wanna tell you is, he's such a good guy. He's so good that it's hard for me to forget him just like that. Though, things are different between me and him now, won't make me stop thanking God for bringing him come into my life. Honestly, I was not like this when I met him, I have changed in a good way because of him; he taught me a lot of things, and not to deny, I've become more mature in a way is because of him. He may not read this, but I believe that his decision this time is because he loves me and wants me to be happy in life. I want the same of him too.
You guys, I wanna stand up and move on, though I'm still in broken pieces inside now. When I was in MC, I used to have Lerie and Rochael to lean on and cried my eyes out, now, I have no one to do the same. I'm keeping this to myself, can I go through it alone? I wanna be happy and I want to smile again *tears flowing*