smile though cracking inside

At first, I didn't want to post this, but then, when I think about it again, blog for me is to release what's inside my brain and share with you what I'm going through. So, here you go ...
This is my first time to have such a long relationship with someone (you know who), though, along the way there are many ups and downs, and unclear things between us. We knew from the beginning that this would not last long, but our feeling was too strong that we were willing to take the risk to just continue the relationship. And finally ended just like that about a month ago (official). I've been lying to people I love and care, worst, I've been lying to myself all these times. when I think about it, this is probably why I'm hurt now, too much lies. Btw, This inspires me of my new year resolution.. to be honest with my self and to people around me. Anyway, that's not the point of me writing this.
What I wanna tell you is, he's such a good guy. He's so good that it's hard for me to forget him just like that. Though, things are different between me and him now, won't make me stop thanking God for bringing him come into my life. Honestly, I was not like this when I met him, I have changed in a good way because of him; he taught me a lot of things, and not to deny, I've become more mature in a way is because of him. He may not read this, but I believe that his decision this time is because he loves me and wants me to be happy in life. I want the same of him too.
You guys, I wanna stand up and move on, though I'm still in broken pieces inside now. When I was in MC, I used to have Lerie and Rochael to lean on and cried my eyes out, now, I have no one to do the same. I'm keeping this to myself, can I go through it alone? I wanna be happy and I want to smile again *tears flowing*

...

I didn't go to Bali :(
I had to cancel that coz I haven't recoverd from my cold yet, so my mom and dad didn't let me go, they were scared I would get worst from the trip, just like the one few years ago, I ended up didn't enjoy the whole trip.
Though I didn't go, I still can write you about something else :) but you just have to wait ... until when, only God knows hehehehhe

Merry christmas everyone ...

I purposly greet you today, coz, I might go to Bali today with some friends from church, and I'll probably update you when I get back.
I know it's late, but I'm happy for Bayu and Lerie for the successful wedding ceremony last sunday December 21. Wish them all the best in their marriage life and God bless them in everything. It's so sad that I can't witness lerie's unforgetable moment. Hope to see them again in the future, with their kids may be .... hehhehehehe
Btw, I hope to see some more pictures too :)

10:17

Finally I'm done with the template after so many times changing it for there were so many errors God knows where. Though this is not the one I wanted at first, but I'm proud of my self that I cud do it on my own with no body teaching or telling. It turned out pretty nice... since I like butterfly, and the collor is so bright and cheering, it's not that bad, is it?
Nways, it's my bed time ... ciaw

arghhh!!!!!

yup, if you find my blog is in a mess, I am trying to update my template, but turn out I donno how to make all the stuff there arranged nicely. since I'm so tired and fed up with this thing, I need a break :(

unemployed

I'm done teaching, and not planning to continue the contract in that place either. Now, I'm busy sending out resume sss again. huh ... hopefuly I can get the better one soon :)

OnEboRinGdAy

ffYaY ... I finally can go online, after a long time suffering from not being able to go online, thanks to daddy for working it out. Today is a public holiday, my parents were off to the beach with my twin sister's family, and some friends from church. I was asked to go to, but for some reasons I just decided to stay and spoiling my self at home. So, practically I spent my times just watching movies and go ol, and be lazy ... turn out it wasn't nice at all, thinking about it, I just wasted a day of my life just like that ... anyway, I had a bad sleep last night, the people praying sound from the mosques made me not able to sleep, and someone I don't have interest in kept calling the whole night, plus the "he and I" thing make it a perfect worst night ever since I'm home. That was actually why I call it a one boring day today

Ps: thanks to Lerie for making me laugh for a moment

newly blogger

Hi... :)
for starting ... wanna tell you my "always" problem ... toothache. Last 3 weeks I pulled out my M1 tooth. It was too hard (my tooth) for them (the doctors) to pull out normally, they had to operate me, as a result, I can't eat properly, my gum is so swollen that I can't open my mouth nor do any eating with it :( and I lost more weight I guess. So, friends, I think having a toothache is the best way to loose weight .. harharhar (can't really laugh).
welcome me to blogger.com :)