the first born child

If I could turn back time, I wanted to be the last born child.
If I could turn back time, I wanted to be born in any other culture background but batak.
If I could turn back time, I didn't want to help my sister get married with her husband.
If I could turn back time, I would do anything I wish without anybody's opinion.
and I hate to admit that I can't turn back time.

what is it to be the first born child, when u feel heavy burden????
what is it to have an overseas diploma, If you don't make as much money as those with local diploma????
what is it to be pretty, if u can't be with someone u love????
what is it to have so much money, but u don't live happy????
what is it to have parents with a huge ambition, and not care what the children need????

why can't people stop thinking about money, position, and pride???

too bad, I can only complaints, and cry all by my self and still have to follow what is told.

can you fall for the "wrong" person?

a note from my friend, he sent this for he knows we all need to know this ... enjoy the reading :)

We’ve all done this at least once, falling for the wrong person. Am thinking again, though. What does it mean to fall for the wrong person? Does it mean that the person wasn’t right for us? What makes a person right or wrong for us?

Falling for the wrong person could mean falling for your professor when you are his student. Falling for the wrong person could mean being infatuated with a 18-year-old friend when you are 32 years old. Falling for the wrong person could mean being in love with a person, only for that person to leave you 3 years later. Falling for the wrong person could mean being attracted to a person with a notorious reputation for changing partners like he or she changes clothes.

Why are those the wrong people to fall for? Because as a student, it’s not right by the rules of the school to fall for your professor? Because as a 32-year-old, the society does not approve of you if you were to date someone 14 years younger? Because as someone who’s looking for a person to spend the rest of your life with, that person was the wrong one because he or she left you in the end? Because as someone who should know better, falling for someone who would most likely leave you in the end, so he or she is clearly wrong for you?

How sure are you that this person is not the right person? Who’s to say a professor is the wrong person to date, just because you’re a student? Forget the rules, think about the possibility. Who’s to say that a 14 year gap makes a bad relationship between two people? If the person you have been with for 3 years suddenly becomes ‘wrong’ because he or she left you, why were you with that person in the first place? Because there was that possibility that he or she could be the ‘right’ one, isn’t it? Who’s to say the notorious playboy or playgirl would not be a changed person after dating you? Unlikely, but the possibility is there, yes?

The point (think) am making is that we cannot know for sure if someone is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ based on their age, race, reputation, or personality. How can opposites attract then? How can some people find life partners with so much in common then?

Another point am making is that circumstances determine the outcome of a relationship, or the possibility of it. Someone you see yourself spending the rest of your life with at the moment, may not be how you feel the next day or year due to the circumstances. If a couple goes through many obstacles in their relationship and they are still together, it proves that they are committed enough to each other to withstand whatever comes their way; that is the outcome of the circumstances. If a couple breaks up after many disagreements, it proves that one or both are not committed enough to continue the relationship, due to a change in feelings or circumstances; that is the outcome.

Guess am saying there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ person. There is no The One. There’s just mutual commitment between two people who are determined to work at their relationship, no matter how ‘wrong’ or ‘mismatched’ they may seem to themselves or other people.

So don’t dismiss someone based on your stereotyped impression, prejudices, fears, whatever. Everyone is different, even if they may have similar traits. Anyone and everyone has the potential to be the… ‘right’ one – it’s the circumstances that helps you determine it. It’s like trying on clothes. You’re a size M in one store, but a size S or L in another store. You just have to try.

Hopefully, you would get it right. No – hopefully, circumstances will lead you to a fruitful relationship with someone.

by Sulz

me - 32 floor height - earth quake

exactly ... what 1st thing on your mind if u're on 32nd floor when earth quake is happen????
Today, I didn't go to work because I had a cold and I had a plan some time in the afternoon, to see a doctor and do a check up. Came back home from the hospital, my dad asked me to go with him to the office to do some stuff; a report that I have not done with (I'm doing part time at my dad's office as well). We just got at the office, I checked my mail, and I sat down at my table ... then my secretary at the office said ... "do u feel the building's shaking?" I said "yes." then I looked at my curtain in my room... it's moving, then I looked at the door, the door's office is swinging back and forth as well ... then I called my dad from the other room, he was calm at first, because he thought it's not gonna be long and bad, but we felt the shaking is getting stronger and stronger .... we all panic ... we quickly ran out to the hall .. no body is out, then we went back in to the office .. the shaking is still hadn't stop ... My dad tried to open the elevator's door, then I said not to go down with that ... we're going with the stairs (the emergency exit). all the way down, I prayed ... pray that we can get down safely. Still the shaking hadn't stop when we run down the stairs. And finally we arrived downstairs safely ... felt relief but still my body shaking from the shock and from running so far. we're saved .... the bulding officeers announced through the mic, that the earth quake's over, but they're still waiting for a confirmation from BMG (geologist dept. of Indonesia) if there'll be no followed earth quake, and we're save to go in to the building again.

looking back from what I've just experienced, life is more appriciated when we're facing death, and I personally, often times forget to remember God in my good and happy times, hopefully this can be a shock therapy for my "me-God relationship" .. before when people ask .. "aren't u afraid of earth quake ... 32nd floor??" I replied, "nope, when it's the time to die .. u'll die" But then I experienced it right on 32nd floor, I was scared like hell, and shouting in my head "God help!!!!!"

discipline - HELP

I have an 8 year old sister. I left her for college when she was 3 yrs. I have no idea how my mom discipline her all these times, but she would become so ignorant and have no initiatif even for her self. However, I'm trying to fix this. as much as possible I try not to make her fear me, but sometimes I reach my limits and end up scared her in order to get her attention and obey.
Right now, my mom stress about how she would take money from my mom's room/bag/wallet for her shopping. I admit, that we never give her allowance or money, but we always give her snacks, or anything she needed instead. We purposely do that, so she won't buy snacks outside, that would make her sick (she gets sick easily). After she steals, she lies. It hurts me, this happen to my own sister. I really have no idea how to deal with this or how should we treat this problem. I always think that this probably an impact that her friends bring to her, and it make me feel like she needs to move to another school (better one with high discipline). really, is it necessary? where should I start to fix this?

MissYou

hi friends in thailand or whereever you are,

In times like these ... I miss you all , I miss our bounding times , I miss our crazyness , I miss everything about us :(

I miss you ... I miss you ... I miss you ... muahhhhh

*hug*

BIRTHDAY

Birthdays used to be my most favorite moment of life; lots and lots of gifts and cakes, until I took some time to think just about it ... birthdays are actually a count down to your life to the end hahahahah ... how scary.

n'ways, that's not the point. The point is ... I got to start with "what my future life would be" then do something about it to make it real.

Isn't it????

L . O . V . E

It's quite funny yet it open my mind ... I guess.
I was trying to get to sleep one night, so as I was lying down on my bed in the dark I fetched my phone next to me and turned on the radio. A conversation on true love by some people got my attention, for it was never come cross my mind a thought such it ...
"love doesn't hurt" ... I heard this million times, but I never really give attention on what it actually meant until this girl on the radio talked... "love would never hurt ... when someone claims he/she loves you yet he/she hurts your feeling, don't believe, for it's not love"
Thinking about it ... what have I been having then??

tired ...

doing the best I can and let God do the rest .. is all I hear from people. Wonder if they really feel what I feel and do what I do????!!!

It's been so long since I feel truly happy about someone or something. As I go through what I've been through, sometimes I deny the negative feelings I feel and tried my best to feel joy instead ... like nothing happened, hopping I feel the joy ... but then, at the end of the day, I am tired. Feel like crying but can't cry ... it sucks

looking back to the past ... I miss all my friends around. I realize that what I need in times like this is FRIENDS. I miss the shoulders I used to lean on when I need to cry, I miss the smiles I used to receive when I need courage, I miss the jokes when I wanted to laugh, I miss all those ... I truly miss that.

Will I ever smile again ... sincerely? Can I trust anyone again someday? Will I ever find someone who's sincere? Can I? Can I?????

Things work out

I've been a very unstable mood lately; as always ... things happen unexpectedly. I needed something to encourage my self, then I found this on line ... I'd like to share it with you'll.

THINGS WORK OUT

Because it rains when we wish it wouldn't,
Because men do what they often shouldn't,
Because crops fail, and plans go wrong-
Some of us grumble all day long.
But somehow, in spite of the care and doubt,
It seems at last that things work out.

Because we lose where we hoped to gain,
Because we suffer a little pain,
Because we must work when we'd like to play-
Some of us whimper along life's way.
But somehow, as day always follows the night,
Most of our troubles work out all right.

Because we cannot forever smile,
Because we must trudge in the dust awhile,
Because we think that the way is long-
Some of us whimper that life's all wrong.
But somehow we live and our sky grows bright,
And everything seems to work out all right.


So bend to your trouble and meet your care,
For the clouds must break, and the sky grow fair.
Let the rain come down, as it must and will,
But keep on working and hoping still.
For in spite of the grumblers who stand about,
Somehow, it seems, all things work out.

things work out =)

my prayer power

Lord, help me to remember that no matter what bad times I go through, or what kind of dark clouds settle on my life, You are my comforter. Only You can lift me above the storm and into Your presence. Only You can take whatever loss I experience and fill that empty place with good. Only You can take the burden of my grief and pain and bring something positive out of it. "hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me, and hear my prayer"

When I go through tough times, I pray that I will have a greater sense of Your presence with me. I want to grow stronger in these times and not weaker. I want to increase in faith and not be overcome with doubt. I want to have hope in the middle of them and not become hopeless. I want to stand strong in Your truth and not be swept away by my emotions.

Help me to remember to give thanks to You no matter what is happening because You are greater than anything I am facing. I know when I pass through the waters You will be with me and the river will not overflow me. When I walk through the fire I will not be burned, nor will the flame touch me. That's because You are a good God and have sent Your Holy Spirit to be my comforter and helper. Thank you that You will fill me with joy and peace so that I will "abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"

In Jesus' name I pray

everything is beautiful in its time

It's been a long time since my last post. Nothing much about me I could tell, it's just that I realize there's so many things I didn't see at first, that I began to see and realize that I've missed so much good things, good people, and good life. I was so focus on one thing that I ignore all those beautiful stuff around. Taking from a positive point of view, I'd say ... everything is beautiful in it's time :)

no title ...

It's been so long since I write my blog ... here's what I have to share :)
one morning, I receive a text from my old friend says ... "when God leads u to the edge of a cliff, trust Him fully & let go! only one of two things will happen. either He will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly". it was a nice msg, reminds me of not letting me handle everything on my own but to surrender ...
I am now working with my dad, handling one of his project. Being a business woman I realize is not easy, there's always time where you can only hope for miracle to happen. Often times, I think hard and forcing one thing to be solved at certain time ... I'm struggling with being passion, being professional, and being wise a lot of time, but the good thing is it gives me practice for being good in those areas :) As a beginner in business, I realize this isn't easy as I though it was ... but I'm enjoining it all though. I have to finish this project by April, and after that I'm planning to do teaching and counseling in one of international school here in Jakarta, at the same time still doing business with my dad as a part time job.
Just like my career, my other story of life has moved on. I have let go my past and made a one step ahead to the future. I have someone close ... someone special so to say right now :p
It's my wish & prayer to have someone better. I'll update you more details on this if it's set already. :)
I'll put up pictures some time later ... so you can see my happy face now hehehhehe

God bless :)

I've learned

I've learned that you can't make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved,
the rest is up to them ...

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back ...

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it ...

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life,
but who you have in your life that counts ...

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do ...

I've learned that you can do something in an instant,
that will give you heartache for life...

Just what I found online

... God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference ...

HAVE A NICE DAY EVERYONE ... :-)

life's a mistery

We never know what God has planned for us, yet we think that we know everything, as I go through ups and downs I realize one thing ... that God has a reason for allowing things to happen. we may never understand His wisdom but we simply have to trust His will. We face all challenges beyound all the problems, cause we believe that the more pain we overcome ... the more stronger we become.
It was just yesterday I got so down like it was it and life has ended for me. Then, I have reached the point where I feel tired of things that happened to me. I want to move on ... I wanna let new things, new person, and new experience come in to my life, and bring new color to my life. it's true what the old say ... "sesungguhnya hati kita mampu mengobati dirinya sendiri apabila kita mengikhlaskannya" - Mario Teguh. which means in English ... our heart can actually heal itself if we let it to do so ... fair enough, as I let my self heal it self, I found new happiness in me and start the new beggining of my happy life. You may not understand what I mean by this ... I promise I'll tell you more in detail next time :P
Before I end this blog I wanna share with you what's been keeping me strong ... that God understands that we are not strong all the time ... sometimes all we can do is rest on His arms and He takes us through the journey of life ... with Him we are safe ...

new year... with pictures :)

All my life, this is the warmest family gathering ever. After all I have gone through, I realize that I only have family to share my ups and downs with and cheer me up in times like this. This year is my first time as a grown up to reunite with my cousins, feel like a long ... long time haven't been talking with them. It was wonderful ...
I want to post some pictures for you to see


in this picture is me (in green), my younger sister (in blue), and my twin sister (in black), and the rest behind are my cousins, taken at my uncle's house. The baby I'm carrying is my twin sist's baby ...


with my twins cousin, her twin sister is not so into picture taking, so we didn't take with her.


At my other uncle's house. Haven't been like this in such a long time :)

So far, that's all that I cud upload, next time I'll upload more. If you notice, I smile a lot in pictures, and it's all true ...